Local Man Disappointed To Learn He’s The Appendix In The Body Of Christ

DULUTH, MN—Local man Bill Mitchell was deeply dismayed to discover this past weekend that in the body of Christ, he is actually the appendix.

“Yeesh. I would have taken toe, elbow, heck just let me be an eyebrow,” said a gloomy Mr. Mitchell. “I know the Bible says a foot isn’t supposed to want to be a hand, that we’re all supposed to be happy with the role God gave us. But appendix? Literally, named for being useless? What a letdown.”

Friends tried to reassure Mr. Mitchell that someday, scientists will likely discover that the appendix has some actual function, and it’s probably super vital. One of his friends then went to the hospital with horrible abdominal pain and was reassured repeatedly that it was all caused by his appendix, which served absolutely no other function and he wouldn’t notice when it was gone.

At publishing time, Mr. Mitchell had decided to volunteer for church parking lot duty in hopes of graduating to gallbladder.

This woman is an angry feminist — but she’s quickly changing her tune as World War 3 starts and she faces the possibility of getting drafted.

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