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Exclusive: Trump’s Big Announcement This Week Is That He Bowled A Perfect 300 In Wii Sports

PALM BEACH, FL — The Babylon Bee has obtained the inside scoop regarding Donald J. Trump’s big upcoming announcement, and is first to report that the 45th President of the United States bowled a perfect 300 in Wii Sports.

This is the biggest news since last year’s announcement that Trump had scored a double-eagle in Mario Golf: Super Rush.

“I’m making a huge announcement today, absolutely huge,” reads the announcement leaked exclusively to The Babylon Bee as a show of gratitude for publishing real news at the highest standard. “Despite literally everyone trying to subvert the count and gaslight me into thinking I did not score a 300, I defied all possible expectations and did in fact score a 300 in Nintendo Bowling. Never been done before in Nintendo Bowling. Not ever. Phenomenal job everyone, especially me.”

Those close to President Trump confirm that he did in fact bowl a 300 in Wii Sports, but expressed confusion when asked by intrepid journalists of The Babylon Bee whether others had really tried to “rig the bowling scorecard,” as mentioned in the full announcement. One staffer looked suspiciously bewildered when asked whether the electronic bowling score software in Wii Sports could have been hacked by Dominion Voting Systems.

At publishing time, The New York Times had published an article describing how Joe Biden had bowled an even perfecter 301 in Wii Sports.


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